Regularly having sex is one of the many habits that happy couples swear by to maintain a healthy relationship. On the flipside, a damaged sex life can be a big reason why a troubled relationship ultimately fails.
“There’s no question that sex can be the one thing that can make or break a relationship,” says Malcolm Jackson, Ph.D, a Detroit based-area sex therapist and psychologist. “In my experience, there is no other issue that hits as close to people’s inherent sense of self-esteem or shame.”
Here, six gay men share the unresolvable sex issues that caused their relationships to end.
“We Never Tried Anything New.”
“I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 17 years old, and he was the first person I ever had sex with. After we decided to move in together, I think that we both felt that we were stuck together and unable to discover new things about sex. We could have done more to be open with each other, sex never really felt pleasurable. We’re much better as friends.” —Miguel, 31
“He Cheated On Me.”
“Me and my soon-to-be ex had mismatched sex drives, and so he cheated on me. In the end, he decided he didn’t want a monogamous marriage, so I left.” —Akil, 32
“We Never Had Sex.”
"My now-ex boyfriend and I engaged in intercourse a total of three times over the course of 3 years, which is largely why I ended it. I believed at my core that it was wrong to go on this way, and he showed no sustained interest in exploring potential solutions with me (medical, emotional, etc.). You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel desired.” —Latrell, 24
“He Slept With Escorts and Porn Stars On The Side.”
“My ex was an amazing lover, and I have never experienced the type of sexual pleasure that he delivered regularly. But it turned out that could have been because he hooked up with escorts for "massages" pretty frequently. Once I discovered that, we never had sex again.” —Brian, 38
“He Took Sex Too Seriously.”
“My ex took sex way too seriously. He had a very specific sex script, so to speak, for me to follow, and it was very difficult for me not to treat having sex like a job. Even when he initiated it, he still expected me to make all the moves. It was all work and no play.” —James, 34
“I Didn’t Listen To His Needs.”
“When we first got together, I didn’t understand the differences between how tops and bottoms experience sex. I was the typical "pound that shit" male, while my ex wanted a longer, more intimate experience. I was so clueless that I missed his requests to slow it down and take more time for him.”—Vernon, 51