If I've learned nothing else from being gay its that sexuality and attraction can be as fluid as the Mississippi. After posting an article about "Eden's Garden" a web series that will follow the lives of 5 trans men of color a friend of mine saw the picture of the cast and said. "Damn he's kind of handsome. Would you ever date one of those guys?"
Now I'm pretty open when it comes to who I'll date. I've dated men, women, bi sexuals, asexuals, and a trans woman, so a trans man wouldn't be that much of a stretch. To get more insight I spoke to my good buddy Kelvin, a gay male who exclusively dates transmen.
What's It Like Dating A Transman?
The same as dating any other man. At first I battled with myself internally. I was a man, and a gay man, so why was I attracted to someone not anatomically born a male? Was I less gay than I originally thought? How would the sex work? But I realized all the things I was wrestling with were social pressures and constructs and I was missing the bigger picture. What I like about transmen is the same thing I like in other men, they’re masculine and attractive. It’s juvenile to have a fear of biological woman parts and this idea that they make the gender of a person. People are attracted to other people. Part of being young and queer is you don’t need to put yourself into boxes.
What was it like telling friends and family?
It was like coming out again. 'Hey everyone, I'm still gay, I'm just dating a transgender man.' My parents didn't know whether to be relieved or double down on their prayers but they are making it through. My friends, especially some of my gay ones, were a little less than undertanding. Inevitably, when you encounter something new, questions will arise. Some are rooted in a good-natured curiosity others, though, are just willfully ignorant. “How does it work?” a straight person will often feel entitled to ask a gay acquaintance, or a cisgender person will ask a transgender acquaintance, without having the sort of intimate relationship that would make that question relevant. I find it fascinating we feel OK asking these questions of queer folks when we’d never ask, say, our straight parents what they do in bed.
Any Dating Tips You Want To Share With Our Readers?
Be yourself and allow others to be themselves and be themselves with you. Never say never and never count out any possibilities, you never know where love may be waiting for you. Transmen have always been out there, and many prefer women. But there are those that identify as gay and choose men. One may choose you. When you start to look at sexual expression through the lens of love and attraction, you start to realize just how ridiculous this situation is. The quaintly simplistic identities society has bestowed upon us—identities like “gay” or “straight” or even “bisexual”—just plain don’t say all that needs to be said in order to describe the true range of people’s sexual behavior. So take a chance and live a little!